Things I Have
Learned in the South
A
possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
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There
are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.
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There
are 10,000 types of spiders.
All
10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one has seen before..
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If
it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
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Onced
and Twiced are words.
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It
is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
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Jaw-P?
means Did y'all go to the bathroom?
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People
actually grow and eat okra.
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Fixinto
is one word. It means I'm
fixing to do that.
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There
is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there is
supper.
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Iced
tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're
two. Folks in the south do like a little tea with their sugar.
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Backards
and forards means I know everything about you..
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The
word jeet is actually a phrase meaning, Did you eat?
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You
dont have to wear a watch, because it don't matter what time it is, you
work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
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You
dont PUSH buttons, you MASH em.
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You
measure distance in minutes.
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You
switch from heat to A/C multiple times in the same day.
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All
the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable,
grain, insect, or animal.
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You
carry jumper cables in your car - for your OWN car.
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You
only own six spices: salt, pepper, Dale Sauce, Tabasco, Creole
Seasoning, and ketchup.
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The
local papers cover national and international news on one page, but
require 6 pages for local high school sports, motor sports, and gossip.
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Many
think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
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You
find 100 degrees Fahrenheit a bit warm.
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You
know what a hissy
fit
is.
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Going
to Wal-Mart is a favorite pastime known as goin Wal-Martin' or off to
Wally World.
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You
describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chicken stew
weather.
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Fried
catfish is the other white meat.
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We
don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can
drive.
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